Damaged Page 9

  My limbs freeze in waves. Like the betrayal that moves through me.

  “It’s just a security net on my end,” James says and then closes the folder, pulling it off the desk and into his lap.

  His prized possession. My heart thuds in my chest. The one out I thought I could take so I could hide from everything that’s happened, slips away from me.

  “So if I quit,” I start to ask, but instead I just stop and stare ahead out of the window. I want to kill him. There’s never been a time in my life when I’ve desired someone dead. But right now, it’s all I want.

  “Then I assume it’s for less than moral reasons,” James spells it out for me. “I need to protect myself.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I tell him and my words are hard. My hands turn to fists as they tremble with the need to get this anger out.

  “I know, trust me I know,” James says. “And I don’t like this any more than you do.”

  A sarcastic huff of a laugh leaves me. “Fuck off,” I sneer at him.

  I stand up from the office chair so quickly it nearly falls over. I grip it so tight I think I’ll break it. Fuck, I want to break it. I can picture beating the piss out of him with the broken wood.

  My body is hot, my mind in a daze of regret and sickness.

  “I’m leaving,” I barely speak as I turn my back to him and start to walk off.

  “The fuck you are,” he seethes.

  My body whips around, tense and ready to let it all out. Every day it’s been building and building, the tension winding tighter and the need to destroy something climbing higher and higher. I only took a few steps away, and with his words I’m right back across the desk, ready to do something stupid.

  My body heats as my fist moves from the chair to the desk and I lean closer. He may not want to show it, but I see the fear in his eyes.

  He should be scared. He’s fucking with me. Threatening me. No one is going to take my wife from me. I won’t allow it.

  “I need to get away from this. From you.”

  I never should have listened to him and try to cover it up. He set me up. He used that night to his advantage and I played right into his hand.

  It takes everything in me not to reach across the desk and haul him up by his collar. To fist the fine cloth in my grip and spit in his face.

  Pure rage and adrenaline pump through my blood.

  “Careful now,” James smiles as he says it, but I notice how he leans back. Both of us know he’s scared. If I throw this punch, if I push, he could bring it all to light.

  And then I’ll lose her forever.

  “I’m going home, and I’ll let you know when I’m available again.” Never. The word is whispered in the back of my head. I’m never returning to this office. I’m never doing another thing for this fucker.

  “You can’t leave me. I’ll ruin you,” he practically whispers with nothing but hate. He says the words I already know.

  “Ruin me then,” I tell him, looking into his dark eyes as I turn the doorknob and leave him behind me. On the surface I’m calm, but brewing just beneath my skin is nothing but chaos. Everything I’ve feared has finally come.

  Proof I was there.

  Proof I lied.

  I leave the office with the threat echoing in my head. I did this to myself, digging the hole deeper and deeper.

  There’s no way Kat will stay when it all goes down. I knew this day would come but I thought if I just didn’t say it out loud, it would all go away.

  Wishful thinking.

  The day of reckoning is coming.

  Chapter 15

  Kat

  * * *

  Never trapped, never alone,

  This city never sleeps.

  Even in the daylight,

  The sins are left to creep.

  They tempt me and pull me,

  And make me feel alive.

  My mouth is dry, my body hot.

  In temptation regrets will thrive.

  My iPhone lights up as I push the top button and check the time again, and then the date. I’m anxious for this meeting and I’m not usually like this. But then again, I’m anxious all the time now.

  Evan hasn’t come home; he isn’t talking to me. It’s been four days and each day I feel like I need to cave more and more. I just need him back.

  A huff leaves me and I shake my head at the thought. Breakups are always hard, but that’s what this is and there’s only one way to move on and that’s to get it over with.

  I don’t want to be in our townhouse, but I have nowhere else to go and I can’t sleep. I didn’t know how much I wanted him there until he was gone. Maybe it’s because it was his own decision. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much.

  An easy breath leaves me as I stand behind the only woman in line at Brew Madison and tilt my head to read the sign on the back wall. All they have to offer is written in chalk, although the large, glass-covered shelves house all the treats they have available. From small pastries to toasted breakfast sandwiches, there’s something for everyone.

  I haven’t had much of an appetite either, but every sip of my coffee this morning made me nauseated, so a blueberry muffin top it is.

  The brunette curls of the woman in front of me swing from side to side as she talks. I can’t see her face, but I know she’s young. From her bright red high heels and black leather jacket paired with white shorts a bit too short for fall, she’s definitely a downtown girl.

  I smile at the thought as she waits for her coffee, pumpkin spice.

  I used to be like her. Stylish and in charge of my destiny. New to the city and ready to tame it.

  And my God, I thought I had.

  A career and reputation in this publishing industry that I reached within only a few years. I’m an agent worth my weight in gold and everyone knows it. Married to a man who still drips of sex appeal and has an edge to him that is irresistible. A townhouse near Madison Square Garden. Even if it is small, it’s the closest we could get. And it’s New York, so location is everything.

  And my closet … the girl in front of me would kill for my closet. Not that she would know it based on how I’m dressed now.

  My name had a purpose and strength to it that made me proud. Evan and I were a powerhouse in the social scene. The couple everyone wanted to be. But envy comes with threats and in its nature, ruins. Rumors and gossip created a wedge between the two of us.

  In the last few years, the highs of this world have crashed as my marriage slowly dissolved.

  And I let it. I spent my life not living it, wanting more and more from my work. Running as fast as I could, just to stay still while I ignored every other change in the world around me. How could I not have seen it deteriorating?

  As the woman turns and I get a look at her cateye makeup that’s subtle enough to still be businesslike and red lips that match her heels, I remember that feeling that used to flow through me. The one that said I could conquer anything.

  Yeah, I used to be like her. I still have the heels and even the stylish clothes, although I lean toward professional and those shorts sure as shit don’t say that.

  “What can I get you?” the young man asks me from behind the counter. He’s got to be in his early twenties at most. I catch a glimpse of his sleeve tattoo and it reminds me of Evan’s for only a moment.

  “A chai and a blueberry muffin top,” I answer him and reach for my card in my wallet. It’s a Kate Spade and the soft pink and white match the purse, but I’m only just now realizing that it looks a bit dingy. Not so much so that it’s noticeably dirty. But enough where it doesn’t look so new anymore.

  As I wait for my chai, I look at my reflection in the glass. I guess the same can be said about me. My fingers tease my hair at the roots, putting a little more volume there and I apply a coat of stain on my lips.

  I wrap the belt around my shirt a little tighter, showing off my waist and lean to my right in the reflection.

  I’m not done yet. There’s still life in me. There
’s still that girl who wanted more buried deep down inside. But what exactly she wants more of remains a question.

  Evan, the silent answer, is obvious.

  But instead the voice in my head whispers love.

  Even if he can’t give it to me. It’s what I’m desperate for. To love and be loved.

  The bells to the door chime as I accept my chai and muffin top. I silently pray that it’s not Jacob so I can have a moment to try to shove this down.

  No such luck.

  I smile broadly when I see him, hiding everything I was just thinking and focusing on him and his career. And how much work we both need to do to get his branding both going in the right direction and noticed by the right market.

  “Jacob,” I greet him and his green eyes focus on me.

  “Katherine, it’s wonderful to finally have a one-on-one,” he says as he steps over the welcome mat and slips off his thin, black wool jacket. He has a downtown style that would pair well with the woman who was just here. From his gray shirt that hangs low but is fitted tight across his chest, to the boyish grin and messy dark hair.

  “It is, thank you so much for meeting me here,” I say as I make my way to the front of the shop, making sure not to spill the hot drink in my hand.

  “Finally meeting my new agent,” he says with a hint of something I can’t place.

  “I hope so,” I answer sweetly.

  “The rain this fall is ridiculous,” Jacob says as he runs his hand over his hair and then wipes it off on his worn jeans.

  His white Chuck Taylor sneakers squeak on the floor as he takes a step closer to me. His expression is comical. With both hands full, one of chai and the other with the muffin top, I gesture to the table where I already have my laptop set up. “Right over here,” I tell him and put both the chai and the pastry to the left side of my computer before turning around to face him.

  I have to crane my neck. “You’re so much taller in person,” I tell him and hold out a hand for a handshake. His right hand engulfs mine and his shake is firm.

  The grin on his face grows to a wide smile and his perfect teeth flash back at me.

  He’s damn good looking and the fact that his face isn’t anywhere on his profiles or brand is a mistake.

  “You are too good looking for every one of your readers not to see your face,” I tell him as we both take a seat. “I know this is a meeting to see if you’re interested in coming on board and if our goals align, but the way I like to approach things is to treat you like a client from the start so you know what you’re getting.”

  “I like to know what I’m getting, so let’s dive in. What do you want from me, Katherine?” Jacob asks me and for a split second, a thought enters my mind.

  It’s only a fraction of a second. A glimpse of his mouth on mine, his hands on my body. Pushing me against the wall like Evan did only a few nights ago.

  Thankfully, it vanishes before I can show any admission of what I was thinking.

  I focus on the plan I have laid out for him and turn the computer around on the table.

  “We’re going to start with your strong points, which obviously is your writing. And let’s work our way into other aspects of marketing and social media that I think you’re ignoring. We can come up with a plan that you’re comfortable with, but also one that will work.”

  The words come out of my mouth smoothly even though my mind’s racing.

  It’s been a while since I’ve looked at a man and thought the things running through my head. I tell myself it’s because I’m looking for comfort. Looking for someone to desire me like Evan does.

  So I don’t feel trapped and alone.

  “Lead the way, Miss Thompson.”

  I shake my head, ready to correct him, ready to tell him it’s Mrs. Thompson. But I don’t. In fact, I find myself hiding my left hand behind the computer.

  It’s only because the attention is nice.

  A distraction, a sweet voice whispers in the back of my head as I smile at Jacob and hit the right arrow on the keyboard to move to the first point I want to make.

  I could never do that, I tell myself. But I leave my hand where it is and when he tells me goodbye, again calling me miss, I still don’t correct him.

  Chapter 16

  Evan

  * * *

  She makes my blood heat,

  My breathing tense and ragged.

  Love’s not a straight line,

  It’s reckless and it’s jagged.

  Beyond the lust, beyond desire,

  There’s something in its wake.

  It’s jealousy that makes me weak,

  It’s hate that makes me break.

  Brew Madison is my wife’s favorite place in this whole damn city. My shoes smack on the wet pavement and rain spits from the sky as I close the door a block down and make my way toward the coffee shop.

  For years she’s come here. She and Jules used to write together in the corner. Jules was her first client here in New York. It’s how she met her now close friend. I huff and the breath turns to steam as I stride toward the entrance and peek in through the glass window.

  It used to be a habit of mine to stop here before going home when I landed. Nine times out of ten, she’d be in the back corner, immersed in a book.

  But then things changed. She stopped going out and I stopped searching for her. I knew she’d be home, stuck in her office and working no matter what time of day it was.

  I had to make sure nothing was going to happen when I left James’ office. I couldn’t go home and have the cops come for me there. I wouldn’t put her through that.

  But days have passed, and I miss her. I’m dying without her.

  Just before I get to the glass door, I spot my wife. But more importantly, I see who she’s with.

  Some asshole is with her. I’m sure he’s just a client, but as they walk toward the exit, Kat’s eyes on her purse as she rummages through it, looking for her keys I’d think, his eyes are all over her body.

  The bastard licks his lower lip, and his gaze flickers to Kat’s breasts and then to her eyes as she peeks up at him.

  She smiles so naively and tucks her hair behind her ear, but what stops the anger and the possessiveness running through me, is the blush that rises to her cheeks. My body goes cold and my feet turn to cement standing outside of the shop, watching the two of them unknowingly walk toward me.

  She knows he’s looking. She knows he likes what he sees. And she’s letting him.

  The chill that runs through my body fuels something deep inside of me. Something primal and raw. The rain that crashes down on me as the clouds roll in and the sky turns darker by the second does nothing to calm the rage growing inside of me.

  I open the door just as the two of them are leaving. My grip on the handle is tight and unforgiving as I wait for them to look up at me.

  Kat doesn’t stop talking, her sweet voice rattling off something about a signing and what needs to be purchased.

  He sees me first, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in my expression. His first instinct is to angle his body, putting himself between me and my wife. It pisses me off and I force my body to stay still, keeping myself from shoving him away from her.

  My teeth grind against one another as I stare at his hand, still on her lower back as if he has any right to touch her.

  “Evan,” Kat looks up at me surprised at first, without a hint of anything other than shock, but instantly her expression changes. “What are you doing? You’re getting soaked!” she admonishes me in front of the fucker still standing too close.

  Pride flows through me as she pulls me into the coffee shop, even if she’s doing it out of frustration.

  She looks from my wet shoulders and the rain dripping down my hair to my forehead and back and then glances outside the shop. She hasn’t even acknowledged the man she’s with. Her small hands focus on wiping off as much water as she can as she positions me over the large welcome mat at the front of the store.

&nb
sp; “Nice to meet you,” I say to the man eyeing the two of us. “I’m Kat’s husband.”

  Kat looks up at me and bites her tongue.

  “Didn’t know she was married,” the fucker says and I read him loud and clear. I knew there was a crack in my marriage. But this shit isn’t something I’m going to take easily. It takes everything in me not to be aggressive toward this shithead.

  She turns a bright shade of red, but instead of defending us and our relationship, instead of taking my side, she says the worst thing she could to me right now.

  “I don’t know what we are right now,” she says more to me than to him as she looks me in the eyes, daring me to say another word. When I’m quiet, she turns to him.

  “I’m sorry for the interruption, Jacob.”

  “Jake, you can call me Jake,” he says to her and doesn’t even bother to look at me. The awkward tension heats.

  “I’ll touch base with you after I get the schedule drawn up, and make sure you get me those summaries as soon as you’re able to.”

  Jake nods his head at Kat and then looks at me to say, “Nice to meet you.” He doesn’t take his time leaving, not with the rain now coming down in sheets.

  “You don’t know what we are?” I ask her, feeling the rage wane as the sound of the door closing and the battering of the rain quiets again.

  “When you make an ass out of yourself in front of a client, what do you expect me to do?” she hisses.

  The rain gets harder and louder as we stand off to the side of the entrance. I take a look around and there are only two other people in the entire place. Both of them women who look like they’re on a lunch break, dressed for office jobs. One on each side of the room, both of them on their phones and one with headphones in her ears.