Don't Let Go Read online

  After a moment he nods once, and he doesn’t play it off like he’s unaffected. He takes a breath and then looks like he’s going to say something, but instead he swallows thickly and looks away.

  I’d love to stay here. The setting is an author’s dream and the untold stories of Ketchikan are enough to tempt me, even if Alec wasn’t into me like this. I truly want to stay here. I’m genuinely drawn to the land and the culture. There’s a reason those who visit the island stay.

  “I really can’t,” I whisper, both to myself and to Alec.

  “One more night then?” he asks me in a low voice as he trails his finger over my shoulder, brushing my hair out of the way and planting a small kiss on my collarbone. I look up and into his eyes, so full of vulnerability and desire, a mixture of both that tempts me in the worst way.

  I nod, not trusting myself to speak and close my eyes as he presses his lips against mine.

  One more night, and then I have to leave.

  He deepens the kiss, and it feels like so much more. Like he’s giving me everything he has.

  I’m almost afraid of staying with him. Afraid I’ll never want to leave. But I know tomorrow I’ll be gone. And I won’t let fear keep me from having just one more night with him.

  Lila

  The engine clicks and clacks and snarls. Like it’s spitting, rather than rumbling. I stand on the deck, gripping the handle of my suitcase and watching the waves crash against the shore. They aren’t harsh or threatening like they seemed to be the last time I was here. It’s simply the way it is. It’s never going to end; the waves will always batter away at the shore.

  “I’m really sorry, Miss Travers,” Drew says as he walks out of the cabin of the ship and to the very back of the boat, closest to where I’m standing on the wooden deck.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask him as the salty breeze whips my hair in front of my face. It’s chilly today, colder than it has been and being near the ocean is only making it worse.

  Drew’s face crumples as he says, “It’s going to be a few hours, maybe more before I fix her.” He motions behind him with his thumb.

  I glance to my right where three more boats are tied to the dock. “Surely there’s another boat?” My heart beats faster as I think about having to stay here on this island, so close to Alec, for a while longer.

  “It’s been a while since they’ve been up and running and on this water,” he says and runs his hand over the hair at the back of his head, looking over to the boats and then back to the cabin. “I’m sorry, Lila,” he says with sympathy, climbing off the boat and onto the dock.

  Fuck.

  My thoughts immediately stray to Alec.

  It doesn’t matter that I want him. Or that he wants me, too.

  That can’t be enough, but as I question myself, I can’t think of a damn thing else that matters.

  Maybe it’s fate, a little voice whispers in the back of my head, so full of hope.

  “How long do you think?” I ask Drew as he takes off his gloves and taps them against his palm.

  “No longer than a night I’d think,” he answers and then waits for my response.

  Just one more night. I tell myself it’ll only be one more night, but I already know I’m lying to myself. I was able to walk away once. I don’t know if I’ll be able to again.

  I clear my throat and look over my shoulder, but before I can ask Drew, he answers the unasked question.

  “You need a ride?”

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  The bitter cold makes my knuckles hurt as I look between Drew, sitting in his car with the engine still purring in front of the Kulls’ estate, and the closed door. My nerves are getting the best of me, and anxiety is racing through my blood.

  “Don’t turn me away,” I whisper to the door and raise my fist again to knock harder, just as it swings open. Warmth flows from inside the house, and it makes the outdoors feel that much colder. My arm slowly falls to my side as Alec stands in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of slacks on that are hung low on his waist. His broad shoulders fill the span of the door as he takes a step closer to me.

  “Alec,” I speak his name just above a murmur. His pale blue eyes peer into mine, filled with questions and then the sound of Drew driving away takes his eyes from mine. It’s only then that I feel I can breathe.

  Shit, I think as I turn around and watch Drew pull away... with my suitcase in his car. He’ll be back in a few hours either way, at least that’s what he told me. But he could’ve waited, damn it. I swallow thickly, knowing I have nowhere to go. I’m stuck here and if Alec turns me away, I’ll be all alone. I’ll be leaving this beautiful place exactly how I came here. Alone.

  “Lila, I thought you were leaving?” he asks and then a chill sweeps through me. Before I can answer he moves aside and pulls me into the house, wrapping his arm around my waist as if his hands belong on me.

  He releases me long enough to shut the door, and I instantly miss his touch. I stare at his muscular back as he closes and locks the door, the click filling the silence. He turns slowly, spearing his fingers through his hair. “I thought you would have been gone already.”

  I clear my throat and answer. “I was supposed to,” I confess. “But the boat is…” I falter over my words. “It’s not working,” I spit out.

  “Oh,” Alec’s gaze falls to the floor for a moment, and his forehead creases. “So, you’re only here for… how long?” His voice is filled with disappointment and it cuts me deep, making my heart pain.

  “A few hours, maybe another day,” I tell him. Why does it hurt so much to tell him that? It’s only been days. It shouldn’t be this painful.

  He nods his head and looks down the hall before forcing a smile to his face. “Well, let me feed you at least.”

  “I’m sorry, Alec,” I whisper as he reaches for my coat and helps me slip it off.

  He doesn’t respond, merely hanging my coat up before turning back to face me. “Lila,” he says and then licks his lips. “You know I don’t want you to go.”

  I nod my head, my fingers intertwining with one another but they stop as he takes a step closer to me, filling the space between us. The heat from his body warms mine and draws me closer to him.

  “I want you,” he whispers, his lips trailing along the shell of my ear as he moves his body in front of mine, his fingers caressing down to the curve of my waist. And like a moth to a flame, my hands rest against his chest and I lean into his touch, wanting more of him.

  He kisses my neck, an open-mouth kiss that makes my head lean to the right so I can expose more of myself to him.

  “There’s something real here,” he says as he grips my ass and pulls me closer to him. The sudden movement makes me gasp.

  “I don’t think I can promise I’ll take it slow, but I can promise to try,” he says, staring into my eyes. The way he looks at me has me mesmerized. Trapped, even.

  “If you just stay, I’ll do whatever I can to keep you.” He tells me words that make me want so much more. Words I’ve only dreamed a man like him would say to me.

  I know it’s not logical, and it’s not safe on my part. Not for my career, or for my heart. It’s reckless and naïve. But he’s so right that there’s something between us. Something more.

  “I’m afraid,” I tell him, and my words seem to float between us. They’re riddled with the anxiety I feel. Knowing if I stay, it’s all for him. I’d be committing so much to and trusting a man I barely know. But a man who makes me feel alive and cherished. A man I want more from. More with.

  “I want you, Lila, and I’m afraid to let you go again,” he says in a whisper. His weakness, his confession is what does me in.

  I nod my head although there was never a question asked.

  Nonetheless, it makes his expression change. “Stay with me?” he asks.

  I nod again and say, “We can take it slow?”

  He chuckles and breaks his gaze for a moment. “I’m not sure how slow, but I’ll do my be
st.” He lowers his forehead to mine and whispers, “I don’t want to scare you off again.”

  “You didn’t,” I tell him honestly, gripping his arms and looking deep into his eyes. “It wasn’t you. It’s just this…”

  “It’s intense,” he says the words I’m thinking. It is. It’s overwhelming. It’s too much.

  “It’s perfect,” he whispers against my lips and then gives me a quick kiss. He breaks it before I’m ready and I find myself nearly falling as he pulls away. A rough chuckle spills from his lips as I touch my fingers to my mouth.

  “We’re really doing this?” I ask him.

  He takes my hand in his. “I want to,” he answers. “I want you.”

  I could tell him so much more in this moment, but I’ll save it for a later date. “I want you, too,” I tell him.

  He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.

  “We have plenty of time, Lila. Let’s start with something to eat.”

  Alec

  One week later

  The truth and perception are two different things.

  “You know the town will talk,” Drew says to my left as I look out over the ocean. We’re deep in the forest on the very edge of the property. My grandfather used to take me here. He said this was the best position on the island, the most powerful. Because it’s where the people come and go.

  “They’re already talking,” he adds.

  “I’m aware,” I answer, not bothering to take my eyes away from the crashing waves. A heavy sigh leaves me, knowing my love is going to have questions and there’s still a road ahead of us with twists and turns. But if they tell her anything that makes her question me, I’ll simply answer her honestly. I finally look at him, shoving my hands in my pockets as I say, “She knows I’m head over heels for her, and soon she’ll have a more important reason to stay.” I turn on my heels without waiting for him and walk back to the family lodge.

  Lila will be back soon.

  The sticks break under Drew’s weight as he hustles to catch up to me. “Are you sure it was wise?” he asks and I cock a brow at him, not knowing which part of this entire ordeal he’s talking about.

  “Was what wise?”

  “The fake birth control?” he asks and I don’t let my stride break. I don’t let him see that I’m affected in the least. I don’t know if the tradition had anything to do with what’s between Lila and me, but I’m too chickenshit to go against it. And according to legend, the bond must be sealed with conception before the next full moon.

  Losing Lila wasn’t worth the risk. It’s one of a few lies. I may have deceived her, but it’s for us. She’ll forgive me because what we have is real. It’s so fucking obvious. I’ll never let her go.

  I shrug as we come up to the back porch of the lodge and I climb the three stairs, gripping the wooden railing to keep me grounded. I’m not sure how she’ll react when she finds out I’ve lied.

  But she knows the kind of man I am.

  The kind who goes after what he wants. Who he wants.

  That day I took the tincture I was so sure I’d prove to my brother how foolish he was being. It only took one article to prove how wrong I was. Lila’s face stared back at me, and all I could do was read her articles. Everything she’d ever written, everything I could find online. I was infatuated the moment I saw her.

  And I’ll keep her with everything I have.

  “I’m not sure she’ll ever find that one out,” I say, looking at him from the corner of my eyes and making sure the threat is clearly evident.

  He raises his hands in surrender but says, “The pregnancy may give it away.” His voice is low, careful to make sure no one can hear.

  I stop just outside of the sliding glass doors. “I know it’s not right to start it off like this,” I start to tell him, thinking about every deal I planned and manipulated, every lie and deceitful action. It’s not right, but this situation isn’t normal.

  “She’ll forgive me if she ever finds out,” I tell him with confidence. “My intentions are pure.” I only want to love her. To keep her and have her. I’ll spoil her with everything she could ever want or need. The lies were necessary. If she knew the truth, surely she would have run far and fast.

  He nods at my admission, but his eyes flicker to the floor.

  “What?” I ask him.

  “So were your brother’s,” he answers me. My body tenses at the thought of Annabelle.

  I clear my throat and ball my hands into fists as I say, “She’s nothing like that.” I take a step forward, closing the space between us as the anger builds. “This is nothing like that.”

  I love my brother Marcus. I’ve always looked up to him, thought well of him. But what he’s done, what he’s doing, it’s not right. I just don’t understand why. There must be a reason.

  Either way, my Lila is nothing like Belle and our situations aren’t comparable.

  “I’m not saying that,” Drew answers me with strength in his voice although he cowers slightly. I calm my breathing, the adrenaline pumping hard in my blood.

  “I’m not saying that at all,” he repeats and takes a step back. “I’m just saying that maybe,” he takes a breath and looks behind me, straightening his stance and looking casual. I peek over my shoulder to see Lila walking toward us. The pea coat she’s wearing is a teal color that pops amongst the tree line, making her stand out even more.

  The sight of her reddened cheeks and windblown hair makes my body crave to touch her, to hold her. To keep her safe.

  She’s mine.

  “I’m just saying,” Drew says in a low voice, gaining my attention again. He swallows and lick his lips. “Be careful with her,” he adds and his eyes search mine, a hint of worry evident.

  I nod once and take a step backward. She’s not his concern, but I’ll put him at ease.

  “If she wants to leave me,” I start to answer him with the promise I know he needs, but I can’t give it to him. “Then I’ll convince her otherwise.” I tell him the truth, and his gaze drops.

  “I love her, Drew.” My words make his eyes drift back up. I offer him something that I know will put him at ease, but unexpectedly, also puts me at ease. “I’ll bring her to the shops often. She’s curious and loves the town.”

  “Alec!” I hear her call out from behind me with happiness in her voice.

  I quickly add, “If she ever looks anything but in love and happy in every way, tell me.” I hold his gaze as I hear her call out again, the sounds of her coming closer to the porch getting louder and more evident.

  As soon as I hear her boots hit the wooden deck, Drew nods his head. “I’ll tell you,” he says.

  “And I’ll listen,” I reply and then quickly turn around to face my love with a welcoming smile. My heart clenches thinking that one day, Drew may come to me and tell me she’s unhappy. I won’t let it happen.

  A gorgeous smile widens across her face as she comes closer, and I walk to meet her halfway. “Good morning,” I tell her and then press my lips against hers, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into me, muffling her greeting. She moans softly as her lips mold to mine and I only break the kiss because I know Drew’s behind us.

  The blush creeps up to her cheeks as she bites her bottom lip and tucks her hair behind her ear shyly.

  It only makes me want her more.

  “Hi Drew,” Lila says sweetly although it only makes her cheeks redder, and she can’t look him in the eyes. She’s so innocent and pure, so easy for me to take for myself.

  A soft wind blows and I tuck a loose strand of hair back behind her ear and kiss her one last time before moving to the doors.

  “Let’s go in,” I tell her and then glance at Drew. His expression is one of contentment at least as he nods and says hello in return. “This house is filled with stories.”

  And I’ll tell her every one of them.

  One day she’ll understand.

  Until then, I know she has feelings for me. And what I feel for her
is real.

  Everything else be damned.

  A Note from the Author:

  I am determined to, one day, return to this world. I have a feeling that day will come sooner rather than later, and when it does, Lila and Alec will have more to their story and each of the Kull brothers will have their own stories as well. Until then, I hope you enjoyed Infatuation.

  Desires in the Night

  Valarie

  The rain has stopped and the absence of the battering against the car roof makes the hushed sounds of the radio I’d turned down sound louder. My tired eyes flicker to the radio station on the dash; I don’t recognize it and a few scans through the next dozen stations prove to find me nothing of interest. With a flick of my wrist it’s silenced and only the hum of the car engine and the warm night air ride with me.

  The lights go bye quickly, illuminating and then darkening the old country roads. They’re asphalt, but the back ways of getting around. The mountains on the right side of the road are covered in thick trees that hide the light of the moon. But the stars on the left side are bright and give enough of a soft glow that it’s comfortably dark.

  The gentle light and sweet smells of late spring make me feel as if maybe this was the right decision. Maybe it is the right choice.

  I’m close. I know I am.

  A soft sigh leaves me as I loosen my grip on the wheel and try to readjust in my seat.

  I’m so close to my destination. How long I’ll stay; I’m not sure. But every second I get closer, is another second the anxiety stirs into desire in the pit of my stomach.

  I read the large green signs as I drive by. Looking for a name that’s familiar. A few of them resonate in me. Sending a chill down my spine and a heated desire straight to my core. I’m so close.

  The back roads may not be familiar to me. But they hold memories. Memories I’ve dreamed about in the last few months and images that have haunted me.